WHC2012 in Salt Lake City and the Annual Gross Out Contest

As usual, I will be a participant in the programming at WHC2012 in Salt Lake City next month. I'll post my formal schedule as we get closer to the date and that information is given to me... but in the interest of getting folks excited and all the emails I've been receiving on the Annual Gross Out Contest, I thought I'd post up the official rules, as drawn up by yours truly, your Hostess of the Grossest.

Contestants will compete for a number of "fitting" prizes, and/or
certificates. First Place Winner will be named Emperor ______________
of the United Gross, and Protector of Insmouth.*1


Official Rules:

1. No props, but costumes (excluding a birthday suit) that befit a character you are reading are welcome. When I say no props, I mean no stork suits with extensive appendages, no naked raw chickens, and no bugs. You'd think I wouldn't have to say that, but I do... Your story should be the shining nugget of golden grossness, not whatever you are holding in your hand that doesn't happen to be paper.

2. Your story must have a beginning, a middle, and an end, unless it's an excerpt from a larger story--which must be stated prior to reading.

3. Your story must have a plot. It cannot be gross for the sake of gross. It must be meaningfully gross. Gross profundity, even.

4. Your story must not exceed five minutes. At the three minute mark, the bouncers will give the audience, or jury, the opportunity to thumbs up or thumbs down the contestant. If the jury decides the contestant is a thumbs down, he must hang, and will be escorted off stage by the Sheriff and/or Deputies.

5. The theme of the event this year is Weird Western, though your stories do not have to be weird westerns. You are, after all, in the west...which has a rich history of being weird.

6. Judges will award contestants points for plot, over all grossness, and your ability to read it. Points will be deducted this year if you go over your time limit. The audience, or jury, will also cast one vote per person to be tallied in addition to the judges points, as the tie breaker, or just to add to the scores. An audience favorite may tip the vote considerably one way or another, so we encourage you to play your best hand...or tentacle.


7. Judges will be 3-4 people, easily identified by their t-shirts. Contestants will be given name badges. Bouncers will be ominous, and organized by Weston Ochse. To inquire about a job, email Weston at Wes at westonochse dot com.

8. A note to contestants: Because this contest can run on forever, there will only be a limited number of slots available for sign-up. You may sign-up in advance, or on the spot...but please note that only a limited number of spots will be available in advance. To sign up in advance, send an email to raingraves at yahoo dot com. To take your chances on-site, please arrive 5-10 minutes early to sign-up on the sheet provided.


Footnotes:
*1. A play on Emperor Norton - who proclaimed himself Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. He put many laws into effect that are still on the books to this day. YES YOU CAN!